Volume II, Treatise III, Chapter VIII

How We Are to Exercise Ourselves in the Knowledge of Ourselves, So as not to Lose Courage and Con, Ee

Our misery is so great; the causes we have to humble ourselves are so numerous, and we know them so well from our own experience, that methinks we should have more need to be encouraged not to let ourselves be cast down: at the sight of our imperfections, than exhorted to use endeavours to be well acquainted with them. This is indeed so certain a truth that all spiritual directors teach us, that when we have been searching into the knowledge of our misery and weakness, we should not stopthere, least the prospect may cast us down and make us despair; but that we should immediately pass on to the consideration of God’s goodness, and so put all our confidence in him. As the sorrow for having sinned ought not to ‘be so great, as to make us fall into despair; but should be moderated through hope of pardon, by casting our eyes sometimes upon the mercy of God, and taking them off from the view of our sins, ‘lest he,” as the apostle says, “who is in that condition should fall into excessive grief;” (2 Corinthians 2:7), so we ought not dwell upon the consideration of our weakness and infirmities, for fear that our courage and confidence should fail us. But after having searched well into the knowledge of ourselves, after having seen, that there is nothing in us, whereupon we can rely, and having learned thereby to have a diffidence in our own strength, we ought forthwith to cast our eyes upon the infinite goodness of God. Thus, we shall not only not lose courage, but shall on the contrary find ourselves more animated; because the same thing which serves to cast us down, when we turn our eyes only on ourselves, serves to strengthen us, when we fix them upon God; and the more you know your own ‘weakness and the little stress you can lay upon yourself you will find yourself the more fortified, when you shall contemplate God, and put all your confidence in him..

But the holy writers make here a remark of great importance, which is, that as, for the reason we have given, we must not fix too much upon the consideration of our misery and weakness, but go on to the knowledge of the goodness and liberality of God, in order to put all our confidence him; so ought we not rest altogether upon this last consideration, but return forthwith again to reflect upon ourselves and our infirmities. For if we dwell upon the contemplation of the bounty and liberality of God, and forget what we ourselves are, it is to be feared we may fall into presumption and pride, by taking occasion from thence, to have too great confidence in ourselves, and to walk with too little diffidence and foresight, which has often been the cause of several terrible falls. How ‘many spiritual persons have cast themselves down by this means, who seemed to soar up even to heaven itself by prayer and contemplation? How many saints, and great ones too, have fallen for having forgotten that they were sinners, and for confiding too much in the favour God had shewn them? They hazarded themselves and trusted to it, as if they had been out of all danger; and therefore they have shamefully fallen. St. Basil attributes the fall of David, when he made himself guilty of adultery and murder, to the presumption which he had once; when God having heaped favours and blessings upon him, he let these words slip from him: “‘T said in my prosperity, nothing shall ever move me.” (Psalms 29:7) But stay a little, God will withdraw his hand, he will ‘deprive you of his favours, and then you will see the consequence. “‘Thou hast turned thy face from me, and I was grievously troubled.”—(Ibid.) God will leave you to your weakness; you will fall into a thousand disorders, and you will know to your cost, after your fall, what you would not know when he favoured thee with his grace. The same St. Basil attributes farther the fall of St. Peter, to the same cause, which was for having too much presumed upon himself, when he said to our Saviour: ‘When all shall be scandalized at thee, I shall never be scandalized. Nay, though I should die with thee, I would never deny thee.”—(Mat. xxvi. 33.) So that it pleased God to punish his presumption and permit him to fall, thereby to humble, and make him know himself. Wherefore we ought never to lose sight of ourselves, or think we are wholly secure in this life: but considering what we are, we must always have a diffidence in ourselves, and stand in fear lest the enemy we have within, should deceive and betray us.

Hence, as we must not dwell too much upon the knowledge of our weakness and misery, but pass forthwith to that of the bounty of God; so we ought not dwell on that either, but presently cast our eyes again upon ourselves, This exercise ought to be like Jacob’s ladder, of which one end touched the earth, and the other reached up to heaven. It is by it, you are to ascend and descend as the angels did. Ascend till you arrive at the knowledge of the goodness of God; but rest not there, for fear of falling into presumption. Go down again forthwith to the knowledge of thyself, and rest not there either, for fear of being faint-hearted, but return up again to the knowledge of God, to place all your confidence in him. In fine, all you have to do is to go continually up and down this ladder.

St. Catherine of Sienna says she used to do this, to deliver herself from the temptations of the devil. For when to discourage her, he endeavoured £0 make her believe, that all her life had been only a deception, she took courage at the consideration of the mercy of. God, and expressed herself thus:—I confess, O my Creator, that all my life has been nothing but darkness, but I will hide myself in the wounds of Jesus crucified; and I will bathe myself in his blood, which will wash off all my sins, and I will rejoice in my Creator and my God: “Thou shalt wash me, O Lord, and I shall become whiter than snow.” (Psalms 1:9) On the other hand, if the devil by a contrary temptation tried to puff her up with pride, by representing to her, that she was already perfect, and that she had no further-need to bewail her sins, or to be afflicted; she most profoundly humbled herself, and thus reasoned with herself: What! unhappy creature that I am! St. John Baptist never sinned, he nevertheless failed not to do severe penance; what then must I do, who have committed so many sins, and never acknowledged and bewailed them asI ought? The devil then enraged, to see so much humility on one side, and so much confidence in God on the other, thus cried out; cursed be thou, and they who have so well instructed thee! I know not where to attack thee:—If I cast thee down to make thee lose courage, thou raisest thyself again by contemplating the mercy of God; and if I exalt thee, thereby to fill thee with vanity, thou castest thyself down by humility, even to the bottom of hell. After this, he let her alone, seeing he came off so shamefully from all the assaults he made upon her. Thus ought we to exercise ourselves—on the one hand we must have great diffidence and fear, on the other, much confidence, joy, and courage; a great deal of diffidence in ourselves, and a great deal of confidence in God. These are the two lessons, which a holy man says, that God gives every day to his elect: one to consider their own faults; and the other, to consider the goodness of God, who with so much bounty and affection pardons them.

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