Volume I, Treatise IV, Chapter IX

That Good and Fair Words Conduce Very Much to the Preservation of Charity; While the Contrary Tends to Tts Destruction

One of the things very conducive to the preservation and increase of fraternal charity is sweetness in our conversation. “A sweet word multiplies friends, and appeases enemies” (Ecclesiastes 6:5), says the Wise Man; and on the contrary, “A harsh word raises up fury” (Proverbs 15:1), and occasions quarrels and dissensions. For being all of us men, words of this sort hurt our feelings; and when the mind is once incensed, we look upon our brother not as we did before; but presently find something blameable in his conduct, and often stop not at blaming him in our hearts only; but go farther, and speak ill of him. It is then of very great importance that our discourse be always so seasoned with sweetness, that thereby we may gain the good will of our brethren, according to that saying of Scripture:—“A prudent man renders himself amiable by his words.” (Ecclesiasticus 20:13) Now to attain this end, it is requisite, that first of all, we should be advertised of one thing, which ought to be the ground or foundation of what we have to say upon this subject; which is, that we deceive not ourselves by imagining that our brethren, being men of information and virtue, will not notice or be scandalized at a sharp word we may say to them. The question at present is not what they are, but what you ought to be; and how you ought to conduct yourself towards them. If you say, they will not be angry at so trifling a thing:—“The more trifling it is,” answers St. Bernard, ‘the easier it is for youto abstain from it.” St. Chrysostom goes farther, and says, that the parvity of the matter is what aggravates the fault; because the more easy the victory, the more culpable are you, for not having obtained it. “Is your eye bad,” says our Saviour, “because I am good?” (Matthew 20:15) And because your brother has a great deal of moderation, ought you to have none at all? It is very true that we ought to have a good opinion of our brethren, and not believe they are so alive to resentment, as to be angry at any small matter; but still we are bound to converse with them, and to manage them with as much caution and circumspection, as if we knew they were very sensible to the least thing—we ought to be as tender of them, as if they were more brittle than glass; in a word, be their temper and feelings what they may, we must most scrupulously abstain from giving any cause whatsover of offence. It is to this we should apply ourselves, as well upon our own as our brother’s account; because the wisdom of our neighbour excuses not our indiscretion; and because all are not, or at least all are not always disposed to take things in the best part, and to overlook offences of this sort, which are given them.

It only now remains to observe, that it is very easy to discriminate the words which may, or may not, offend our brother. Every man can do this, by following the rule which the Holy Ghost gives us, by the mouth of the Wise Man:—“Judge of your neighbour by yourself.” (Eeclus. xxxi. 18.) Let every one consult himself, and see whether he be content others should speak coldly of him, that they should answer him sharply, and command him in a haughty and imperious manner; and if he finds this will hurt his own feelings, let him abstain from the like; because his neighbour is a man like himself, and may have the same sentiments and feelings as he himself has. Humility also is a very proper means, to make us never speak but as we ought tode. For if we be humble, and esteem ourselves the least of all, we need no other precaution than this; this alone is sufficient to teach us how to behave to every one, so that we shall never speak a hasty word, at which any one may be offended; but we shall always speak to every one with respect and sweetness. |.

It is certain, that a simple religious will never take the liberty to speak otherwise to his superior than as it becomes him; because, considering himself as his inferior, he has a respect for him; and when it happens that he speaks sharply to his brother, it is because he thinks himself not inferior to him, and therefore respects him not as he otherwise would do. Let us therefore be humble, and following the counsel of the apostle, esteem ourselves the least of all, and we shall soon learn, both what language we ought to use, and after what manner we ought to speak to others. But besides these general rules I have hitherto prescribed, I will now speak more in particular of the language, from which, as being directly contrary to charity, we ought to abstain.

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