Volume I, Treatise IV, Chapter VIII

That We Ought to Abstain from Relating Anything that May Anger the Person to Whom We Relate It

My intention is not to speak at present of detraction, because I shall treat of it elsewhere; butI shall mention here one thing of very great importance, and very apposite to our present subject, and which St. Bonaventure also takes particular notice of. As we ought abstain most scrupulously from speaking ill of another, so when we hear anything said of him which may excite his displeasure or resentment, we ought to take care not to say to him:—“Such a one has spoken thus and thus of you.” For this tending only to exasperate their minds, and sow discord amongst brethren, there is nothing so pernicious to the good of religion, nor which God has a greater horror of. ‘ There are six things,” says the Wise Man, “that our Lord hates, but his soul has a perfect detestation of the seventh, the sower of discords amongst brethren.” (Proverbs 6:16) When we would express the horror we have of anything, we say we detest such a thing from our hearts, and the Scripture in this accommodates itself to our manner of speaking, that we may the better understand, how disagreeable those who cause or foment divisions are in the sight of God. But if they are detested by God, they are detested by man also. ‘‘ The whisperer, or tale-bearer,” says the Wise Man, “defiles his own soul, and shall be hated by all; and he who lives with him shall become odious to the whole world.” (Ecclesiasticus 31) Wherefore, says he in another place, “Be not styled a tale-bearer.” (Ibid. 5:16) That is, give no occasion for any one to affix this name to you. And to speak truth, there is no quality so unworthy not only of a religious, but of any man whomsoever. For what is more dangerous in a community than one of a seditious spirit, who is good for nothing else than to creat dissensions amongst his brethren, and who thus charges himself with an employment that belongs to the devil, the father of discord and division?

Here it must be observed, that in order to set two persons at variance, it sometimes is not necessary, that the thing we report be of any consequence. Sometimes a mere trifle is sufficient to do it; the least thing in the world, that amounts not even to a venial sin, is able to do it. We must, therefore, most cautiously abstain from telling it, not only when the thing is important in itself, but also whenever it is at all capable of giving pain to the person we tell it to, or of making him discontented, and creating a misunderstanding between himself and brother. One has, perhaps, let fall a word that may have somewhat lessened another’s wit, capacity, or merit; and thereupon you tell the person what is said of him, with less consideration than it was spoken at first. What bitterness of heart do you think this will give him against the person that said it? You think you. have done no hurt at all, and you have wounded him to the very heart:—“The words of the whisperer appear simple,” says the Wise Man, “but they penetrate the bottom of the heart.” (Proverbs 26:22) There are certain things that many persons make no account of at all, and I know not which way, or in what manner they look upon them, or whether they take any the least notice of them; but they appear to be of so great consequence to those who view them through a proper medium, that seeing the inconveniences and the bad effects arising from them, they have reason to fear that they are mortal sins; and of this description are the things we now speak of.

But if it be thus prejudicial to our neighbour, and so displeasing to God, to carry about stories of this sort, and thereby sow discord between brethren, what will it be to sow discord between superiors and subjects, and to cause a division between the head and the members, between a father and his children? May we not very justly say, that this crime would be more abhorred by God, than the other? Yet what little care do we take to preserve ourselves from being guilty of it? The people of Israel were exceedingly attached to David, and had oftentimes given him splendid proofs of affection and obedience; yet on hearing his son Absalom speak ill of him—on hearing him blame his conduct and decry his government, they sometimes rebelled against David. How often has it happened that a religious stood well with his superior, had a high opinion of him, interpreted all his actions in good part, laid open to him upon all occasions even the hidden secrets of his heart; and yet all this is suddenly destroyed, by a word some one has inconsiderately said,. and perhaps without the least evilintention? Hence ensue suspicions, diffidences, dissimulations, rash judgments, detractions, and unkind offices; and sometimes it happens that the evil increases so much, that one secretly whispering and communicating the matter to another, the contagion spreads itself over the whole community: so that one cannot sufficiently describe how prejudicial these sorts of reports and stories may, and do often prove to religious union, peace, and tranquillity.

But some may answer, it is sometimes proper that our brother should know what is alleged against him, that he may stand more upon his guard, and for the future give no occasion of having such things said of him. It is true; but it is sufficient to tell him the thing, without naming any one, though it should even be said in public; and so far we are probably excusable, as another might have told him the same. It is the duty of every man to look to himself, “For woe to that man, by whom scandal happens.” (Mat. xviii. 7.) And how pressing soever your friend may be, to prevail on you to discover the author, deny him still, and take care that his importunities, and the great favour you imagine you should do him, extract not what he desires. For this were a dangerous condescension; and by giving him a mark of your friendship, you would at the same time do hurt to him, as well as to the person of whom you should speak, and to yourself also; as ever after you should scruple very much the injury you may have done the parties. We shall readily perceive the inconveniences of this practice, if we reflect, that even when one informs the superior of the faults of his brethren, in order that by bis paternal care he may be able to apply a remedy, the rule declares that the superior ought not to signify from whence he received this information, and that he ought to take great care to keep it very secret; lest the knowledge thereof should exasperate them, or cause any change of affection amongst the brethren. But if, when things of this nature are managed with so much prudence and caution, through a spirit of true charity, and with a view to greater good, there are oftentimes many inconveniences to be dreaded, and great circumspection to be used; with how far greater reason ought we to apprehend these inconveniences, when any one discovers to another the person who has not spoken so well of him; and this, not in complying with the rule, or through a motive of charity, but in “disobliging manner, through imprudence, and indiscretion, and perhaps through jealousy, and envy also, or in fine, through some other unreasonable motive, or at least that will pass for such in the mind of him you spoke of? St. Austin praises exceedingly his mother St. Monica, upon this account, that when those who were at variance, one with another, came severally to make their complaint to her with a great deal of bitterness, she never told either of them what the other said; but charitably endeavouring to create a right understanding on both sides, she related only what she thought would sweeten and mollify their hearts, and contribute to their reconciliation. We ought to practise the same, and thus become angels of peace.

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