Part III, Chapter XL

Instructions for Widows

Saint Paul instructs all prelates in the person of Timothy, saying, “Honor widows that are widows indeed.” (1 Timothy 5:3) Now, to be a widow indeed, the following conditions are required: — 1. That the widow be not only a widow in body, but in heart, also; that is, that she put on an inviolable resolution to keep herself in the state of a chaste widowhood; for those that are widows only till an opportunity presents itself of being married again are only separate from them as to the pleasures of the body, but are already joined to them according to the will of the heart. But, if she that is a widow indeed, in order to confirm herself in the state of widowhood, will offer her body and her chastity by vow to God, she will add a great ornament to her widowhood, and give a great security to her resolution. For since, after her vow, she has it no longer in her power to quit her chastity without quitting her title to heaven, she will be so jealous of her design that she will not suffer so much as the least thought of marriage to occupy her heart for a single moment; so that this sacred vow will serve as a strong barrier between her soul and every project contrary to her resolution. St. Augustine advises this vow very strenuously to the Christian widow; and the ancient and learned Origen goes much further, for he exhorts married women to vow and dedicate themselves to a chaste widowhood, in case their husband should die before them; in order that, amidst the sensual pleasures of marriage, they may also, by means of this anticipated promise, enjoy the merit of a chaste widowhood. A vow not only makes the good works done in consequence of it more acceptable to God, but also encourages us to put them in execution; it gives to God not only the good works, which are the fruits of our good will, but dedicates likewise to him the will itself, which is the tree of all our actions. By simple chastity we lend, as it were, our body to God, retaining notwithstanding a liberty to subject it another day to sensual pleasure; but by the vow of chastity we make him an absolute and irrevocable gift of our body, without reserving to ourselves any power of recalling it, and thus happily render ourselves slaves to him whose service is better than any kingdom. Now, as I highly approve the advice of these two great men, so I should wish that those souls which are so happy as to desire to follow it should do it prudently, piously, and solidly, having first well examined their resolutions, invoked the light and grace of heaven, and taken the counsel of some wise and devout director; by this means all will be done with more fruit.

2. This renunciation of a second marriage must be made purely with the intention of turning all the affections of the soul towards God and of uniting the heart entirely with that of his divine Majesty; for if the desire to leave her children rich, or any other worldly pretension, should keep the widow in her state of widowhood, she may perhaps have praise for it, but certainly not before God; for in the eyes of God nothing can truly merit praise but that which is done for his sake.

3. Moreover, the widow, that would be a widow indeed, must voluntarily separate and restrain herself from profane satisfaction, “for she that liveth in pleasures is dead while she is living,” says St. Paul (1 Timothy 5:6). To desire to be a widow, and to be, nevertheless, pleased with being courted, flattered, and caressed; to be fond of balls, dancing, and feasting; to be perfumed, finely dressed, etc., is to be a widow, living as to the body, but dead as to the soul. What doth it signify, I pray you, whether the sign of the inn of Adonis, or of profane love, consist of white feathers, in the form of a plume, or of black crape, spread like a net around the face? Yea, the black is often put over the white to make it look more conspicuous and favorable to vanity; for the widow having made a trial of that fashion by which women can please men best casts the most dangerous baits before their minds. The widow, then, who lives in these fond delights is dead while she lives, and therefore, properly speaking, she is but an idol of widowhood.

“The time of pruning is come; the voice of the turtle is heard in our land,” says the canticle. All that would live devoutly must prune and cut away all worldly superfluities; but this is more particularly necessary for the true widow, who, like a chaste turtle, comes from weeping, bewailing, and lamenting the loss of her husband. When Noemi returned from Moab to Bethlehem, the women of the town, who had known her when she was first married, said one to another, “Is not that Noemi?” (Ruth 1:20) But she answered, “Call me not Noemi, I pray you, for Noemi signifies comely and beautiful; but call me Mara, for the Lord has filled my soul with bitterness”; this she said because she had lost her husband. Thus the devout widow never desires to be esteemed either beautiful or comely, contenting herself with being such as God desires her to be, that is to say, humble and abject in her own eyes.

Lamps in which aromatic oil is burnt emit a more sweet odor when their flame is extinguished; so widows whose love has been pure in their marriage send forth a more sweet perfume of virtue and chastity when their light, that is, their husband, is extinguished by death. To love the husband as long as he lives is an ordinary thing amongst women; but to love him so well that after his death she will hear of no other is a degree of love which appertains only to them that are widows indeed. To hope in God whilst the husband serves for a support is by no means unusual; but to hope in God when one is destitute of this support is worthy of great praise. Hence it is easy to know, in widowhood, the perfection of the virtues which a woman possessed during the life of her husband.

The widow who has children who stand in need of her guidance and support, principally in their spiritual concerns and their establishments in life, ought not by any means to abandon them; for the apostle St. Paul says clearly that they are obliged to that care of their children to make the like return to their parents. (1 Timothy 5:4) And that they who have no solicitude for those that belong to them, and especially for their own family are worse than infidels. But if the children be in such a state as to stand in no need of her guidance, then should the widow collect all her affections and thoughts, to apply them more purely to her own advancement in the love of God.

If some absolute necessity oblige not the conscience of the true widow to external troubles, such as suits in law, I counsel her to avoid them altogether, and to follow that method in managing her affairs which appears the most peaceable and quiet, although it may not seem the most advantageous. For the advantages to be reaped from worldly troubles must be very great to bear any comparison with the happiness of a holy tranquillity. Moreover, disputes and lawsuits distract the heart and often open a gate to the enemies of chastity, because the parties, in order to please those whose favor they stand in need of, do not hesitate to render themselves displeasing to God.

Let prayer be the widow’s continual exercise; for as she ought now to love none but God, so she ought to speak to scarcely any but God. For as the iron, which, by the presence of the diamond, is hindered from following the attraction of the loadstone, springs towards it as soon as the diamond is removed; so the heart of the widow, which could not well give itself up so entirely to God, nor follow the attractions of his divine love, during the life of her husband, ought immediately after his death to run ardently after the sweet odor of the heavenly perfumes, as if she said, in imitation of the heavenly Spouse: “O Lord! now that I am all my own, receive me that I may be all thine; draw me; we will run after thee to the odor of thy ointments.”

The virtues proper for the exercise of a holy widow are perfect modesty, a renunciation of honors, ranks, assemblies, titles, and of all such varieties; serving the poor and the sick, comforting the afflicted, instructing girls in a devout life, and making themselves a perfect pattern of all virtues to young women: cleanliness and simplicity should be the ornaments of their dress; humility and charity the ornaments of their actions; courtesy and mildness the ornaments of their speech; modesty and purity the ornaments of their eyes; and Jesus Christ crucified the only love of their heart. In fine, the true widow is in the church a little violet of March, which sends forth an incomparable sweetness by the odor of her devotion, and almost always keeps herself concealed under the broad leaves of her abjection, since, by the obscurity of her attire, she testifies her mortification. She grows in cool and uncultivated places, not willing to be importuned with the conversation of worldlings, the better to preserve the coolness of her heart against all the heats which the desire of riches, of honors, or even of fond love, might bring upon her. “She shall be blessed,” says the holy apostle, “if she continue in this manner.” (1 Corinthians 7:40)

I could say much more upon this subject; but it will suffice to advise the widow who is solicitous for the honor of her condition to read attentively the excellent epistles which the great St. Jerome wrote to Furia, Salvia, and all those other ladies who were so happy as to be the spiritual children of so great a father. Nothing can be added to his instructions except this admonition: that the true widow ought never to blame nor censure those who pass to a second, or even a third or a fourth marriage; for in some cases God so disposes of them for his greater glory; and that she must always have before her eyes this doctrine of the ancients, that neither widowhood nor virginity have any other place or rank in heaven but that which is assigned to them by humility.

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