Part III, Chapter XXXIX

Of the Sanctity of the Marriage Bed

The marriage bed ought to be undefiled, as the Apostle says (Hebrews 13:4); that is to say, exempt from uncleanness and all profane filthiness. Holy marriage was first instituted in the earthly paradise, where, as yet, there never had been any disorder of concupiscence, or of anything immodest. There is some resemblance between lustful pleasures and those that are taken in eating, for both of them have relation to the flesh, though the former, by reason of their brutal vehemence, are called simply carnal. I will, then, explain that which I cannot say of the one by that which I shall say of the other.

1. Eating is ordained for our preservation: as, then, eating, merely to nourish and preserve health, is a good, holy, and necessary thing; so, that which is requisite in marriage for bringing children into the world and multiplying mankind is a good thing and very holy, as it is the principal end of marriage.

2. As to eat, not for the preservation of life, but to keep up that mutual intercourse and condescension which we owe to each other, is a thing in itself both lawful and just: so the mutual and lawful condescension of the parties united in holy marriage is called by St. Paul a debt of so obligatory a nature that he allows neither of the parties exemption from it, without the voluntary consent of the other, not even for the exercises of devotion, as I have already observed in the chapter on Holy Communion, p. 112. How much less, then, may either party be dispensed from it through a capricious pretence of virtue, or through anger or disdain?

3. As they that eat to maintain a mutual intercourse of friendship with others ought to eat freely, and endeavor to show an appetite to their meat; so the marriage debt should always be paid as faithfully and freely as if it were in hopes of having children, although on some occasions there might be no such expectation.

4. To eat for neither of these reasons, but merely to satisfy the appetite, may, indeed, be tolerated, but cannot be commended; for the mere pleasure of the sensual appetite cannot be a sufficient object to render an action commendable. To eat not merely for the gratification of the appetite, but also with excess and irregularity, is a thing more or less blamable as the excess is more or less considerable.

5. Now, excess in eating consists not only in eating too much, but also in the time and manner of eating. It is surprising, dear Philothea, that honey, which is so proper and wholesome a food for bees, may, nevertheless, become so hurtful to them as sometimes to make them sick: for in the spring, when they eat too much of it, being overcharged with it in the forepart of their head and wings, they become sick, and frequently die. In like manner, nuptial commerce, which is so holy, just, and commendable in itself, and so profitable to the commonwealth, is, nevertheless, in certain cases dangerous to those that exercise it; for it frequently debilitates the soul with venial sin, as in cases of mere and simple excess; and sometimes it kills it effectually by mortal sin, as when the order appointed for the procreation of children is violated and perverted; in which case according as one departs more or less from it, the sins are more or less abominable, but always mortal: for the procreation of children being the principal end of marriage one may never lawfully depart from the order which that end requires; though, on account of some accident or circumstance, it cannot at that time be brought about, as it happens when barrenness, or pregnancy, prevents generation. In these occurrences corporal commerce may still be just and holy, provided the rules of generation be followed: no accident whatsoever being able to prejudice the law which the principal end of marriage has imposed. Certainly the infamous and the execrable action of Onan in his marriage was detestable in the sight of God, as the holy text of the 38th chapter of Genesis testifies: for although certain heretics of our days, much more blamable than the Cynics, of whom St. Jerome speaks in his commentary on the Epistle to the Ephesians, have been pleased to say it was the perverse intention only of that wicked man which displeased God, the Scripture positively asserts the contrary, and assures us that the act itself which he committed was detestable and abominable in the sight of God.

It is a certain mark of a base and abject spirit to think of eating before meal time, and, still more, to amuse ourselves afterwards with the pleasure which we took in eating, keeping it alive in our words and imagination, and delighting in the recollection of the sensual satisfaction we had in swallowing down those morsels; as men do who before dinner have their minds fixed on the spit, and after dinner on the dishes; men worthy to be “scullions” of a kitchen, “who,” as St. Paul says, “make a god of their belly.” Persons of honor never think of eating but at sitting down at table, and after dinner wash their hands and their mouth, that they may neither retain the taste nor the scent of what they have been eating. The elephant, although a gross beast, is yet the most decent and most sensible of any other upon earth. I will give you a specimen of his chastity: although he never changes his female, and hath so tender a love for her whom he hath chosen, yet he never couples with her but at the end of every three years, and then only for the space of five days, but so privately that he is never seen in the act. On the sixth day afterwards, when he makes his appearance, the first thing he does is to go directly to some river, where he washes his body entirely, being unwilling to return to the herd till he is quite purified. May not these modest dispositions in such an animal serve as lessons to married people, not to keep their affections engaged in those sensual and carnal pleasures which, according to their vocation, they have exercised; but when they are past to wash their heart and affection, and purify themselves from them as soon as possible, that afterwards, with freedom of mind, they may practise other actions more pure and elevated. In this advice consists the perfect practice of that excellent doctrine of St. Paul to the Corinthians. “The time is short,” said he; “it remaineth that they who have wives be as though they have none.” For, according to St. Gregory, that man has a wife as if he had none, who takes corporal satisfaction with her in such a manner as not to be diverted from spiritual exercises. Now, what is said of the husband is understood reciprocally of the wife. “Let those that use the world,” says the same apostle, “be as though they used it not.” Let every one, then, use this world according to his calling, but in such manner that, not engaging his affection in it, he may be as free and ready to serve God as if he used it not. “It is the great evil of man,” says St. Austin, “to desire to enjoy the things which he should only use.” We should enjoy spiritual things, and only use corporal, of which when the use is turned into enjoyment, our rational soul is also changed into a brutish and beastly soul. I think I have said all that I would say to make myself understood, without saying that which I would not say.

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