Volume III, Treatise VII, Chapter VI

A Solution of the Difficulties Which Might Hinder Us from Giving an Exact Account of Our Interior

I nave already said of how great importance and necessity it is to keep nothing hid from our superior; but the corruption of our own nature and the malice of the Devil are so great, that the things most necessary for our spiritual advancement, are ordinarily those to which we feel greatest repugnance, or in which he endeavours to cause us to meet with the greatest obstacles. It is very proper, then, that we endeavour to apply a remedy to this inconvenience, and in a matter of so great importance, it will be doing not a little if we find out the means of removing the difficulties and smoothing the way. Moreover, though this is addressed particularly to religious, yet every one may make an application of it to himself, because it is a doctrine which regards every man in general; and Gerson, as we shall afterwards see, speaking of confession, treats of manifestation of conscience for all sorts of persons.

As we are naturally enemies of labour and pain, and because the subject we treat of ordinarily appears to us very painful and troublesome, I will begin by showing, that without comparison there is far greater pain in being reserved towards our superior, than in keeping nothing hid from him. And let this be taken due notice of; for it is one of the best reasons to urge against those who love themselves so well, that they dare not embrace virtue and perfection on account of the difficulties met therein, I grant it is painful and mortifying to declare all our temptations, inclinations, and defects, to our superior; but at the same time I also affirm and maintain, that to hide them is far more painful. Daily experience proves this; and all those who never concealed anything from their superior can bear testimony of it. What trouble, what remorse, what disquiet do we not feel, when we will not make our interior known! “The iniquity of Ephraim is, as it were, tied up in.a sack; his sin is hid, the pains of child-birth will come on him” (Osee 13:12,13) In the doubt and uncertainty we are, whether or not we ehould discover ourselves, we are always as it were in the pains of child-birth. Now we wish to say all, now we repent to have wished so; afterwards we go to our superior’s door to lay open our hearts unto him; then on a sudden we return without daring to do it. ‘The children are just ready to be born, but their mothers have not strength to bring them forth”—Isa., xxxvii. 8. We were upon the point of discovering and bringing to light our thought and temptation, which is the fruit and child of the father of darkness, and we had not strength to deliver ourselves of it, and in this manner we remain always in the pains of child-birth. Nay, even these pains augment, the longer we defer to discover our hidden imperfections, for the more we hide them the greater will be our pain and shame afterwards in declaring them. We are then angry with ourselves for not having done it sooner, and that which then gives us the greatest pain is to think thus with ourselves: How is it possible to go now to my superior after I have let so much time pass? Were it a thing to begin again, I would not fail to give him an account thereof, but with what face can I now appear before him? What will he say to me for having concealed myself so long from him? He will say that I have no confidence in him, because I did not presently manifest myself to him. To conclude, so long as we shall defer laying open our hearts to our ghostly father, we shall never find any quiet of mind, but shall always be exposed to the reproaches and remorses of conscience for having failed in a thing of so great importance; whereas, from the moment we had discovered them, we should have had none of these disquiets, but the trouble and interior agitation would have presently ceased, and we should have enjoyed a perfect peace and tranquillity.

It is the same in order to this, that it is in order to confession. For then, when out of shame we dare not accuse ourselves of some sin, we feel no peace within ourselves, but are in continual disquiet and anguish of heart. But as soon as we have confessed our sin, we presently find ourselves content and at ease—we seem as if we had cast off a heavy burden, under which we were ready to fall. “The wounds which are not open”, says St. Gregory, “cause greater pain than others, by reason of the inflammation caused by the matter that is within, but as soon as they are opened, the matter and corruption go out, and the pain diminishes”—JZ. iii. Past. Adm., 15. It is almost the self-same thing when we come from accusing ourselves of our sins, or from declaring our temptations and weakness. For as the saint adds, “‘confession of sins, what is it else, but the opening of a wound or imposthume?” We may also compare this state to a man whose stomach is overcharged with meat and bad humours, and who has a continual inclination to vomit; he suffers cruelly till he casts up what he had in his stomach, but as soon as he has done so he suffers no more, but feels himself entirely at ease.

- What I have said clearly shows that to hide what passes within us is a greater pain than we can have in declaring it, for one is presently freed from it by a little shame and mortification that passes in a moment, and afterwards we remain in profound peace and tranquillity. We may therefore very well say to those who, in order to spare themselves a little pain and trouble, hide their interior from their spiritual father, that it is for this reason they ought not to do so, for so long as they shall persist in hiding it, they will be consumed with irksomeness and be even eaten up with disquiet, according to the words of the Royal Prophet, “rottenness has pier¢ed even to the marrow of my bones because I held my peace”— (Psalms 31:3);—but as soon as they have laid open their heart, they will feel themselves at ease and find themselves comforted.

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