Volume II, Treatise V, Chapter I

How Much It Imports a Religious to Abstain from Paying Visits to His Relations

Tue rule left us by St. Ignatius concerning affection for relations, is applicable to all sorts of religious. All those, says he, that enter the Society, must not only consider that they quit father, mother, kindred, friends, and whatsoever they possess in the world; but must believe that Jesus Christ addresses them in these words, “he that hates not father, mother, brothers and sisters, yea, and his own soul, cannot be my disciple.” (Luke 14:26) Let them endeavour then, to reduce within the bounds of Christian charity, all those sentiments for relations, which flesh and blood shall inspire them with; and let them look upon themselves as persons who are dead to the world, and to the love of the world; and who live only to Jesus Christ, whom they take in place of father, mother, and all things else. It is not sufficient that the body quits the world—the heart too must quit the world, and break off all attachments to it. It is not ill done to love our relations; on the contrary, because they are relations, we are bound to love them more than others. But if this love be founded only in the sentiments of nature, this is not to love them like a Christian, much less like a religious; since the most barbarous people love their parents and such as are allied -to them by blood. A Christian, but especially a religious, says St. Gregory, ought to purify this affection of flesh and blood in the fire of divine love; that extracting from it what is terrestrial, and contrary to the love of the Supreme Good, they may love their parents not so much because nature urges them, as because God commands them—that they may love them in God alone, and for his sake alone; as God himself loves them, and as he ordains ‘us to love them. It is this that St. Ignatius requires in the rule before cited, whereupon I shall make one observation; namely, that in his other rules, he thinks it sufficient to propose them simply as he received them from God; without confirming them with the authority of Scripture, as he might easily have done, since the morality of our constitutions is entirely taken from the gospel. But here where he treats of regulating a sentiment so natural, and so deeply rooted in us, as the love of our relations is, he presently has recourse to holy scripture. He does the same, also, when he states how we ought to dispose of our goods, on quitting the world: for here also he confirms his doctrine by the words of the prophet David, “He distributed and gave his goods to the poor;” (Psalms 111:9), and by those of Jesus Christ, “go and sell what thou hast and give it to the poor.”—(Mat. xix. 21.)

The matter in question is of great importance to religious; and as St. Basil, St. Gregory, St. Bernard, and many other saints treat very largely of it, I shall here state what they say upon this subject. To begin with St. Basil—he says, that it is a matter of great consequence, that a religious declines all visits to and commerce with his relations, He assigns as reasons, “that we are able to give them but little help, and that our commerce with them troubles the tranquillity and regularity of our life, and draws us into occasions of sin.” They entertain us with their domestic affairs, their suits, losses, and all other things that give them any trouble; so that we return home charged with all their discontents; and the worst of it is, that this exposes us to very great dangers. For the idea of the life we led in the world, coming again to strike our imagination, may happen to open old sores, which afterwards are not so easily cured. ‘There need only the sight of a place and person, to revive those ideas which time and distance had almost effaced. And when we easily pass from one thing to another, we insensibly let ourselves be carried away with imaginations of this sort, which at last destroy the peace and tranquillity of our soul. Wherefore all masters of a spiritual life counsel us, that even when we would detest any of our past sins, we should only make a general reflection upon them, without’ descending to particulars, which might bring dangerous images into our mind. But if we must with so great care avoid this, in so holy an action, with how far greater reason ought we to remove far from us, such unprofitable occasions, as may produce the like effects in our imagination. When you neglect to avoid them, and when the interior peace you enjoy begins to be molested by them, of whom can you complain, since you find nothing but what you sought yourself, and which, in consequence, you deserved to have?

St. Basil points out another effect arising from our holding commerce with our relations; which is, that their bad habits and inclinations, by little and little, make impression on our heart; and fill our soul with secular thoughts, cool it to the things of the next world, deprive it of that fervour and constancy it had in its good resolutions, and render it again altogether secular, and, as I may say, draw it insensibly to return to the world. “They lived and conversed with the gentiles,” says the prophet, “and have learned to do like them; they adored their idols, which became a scandal to them, and the cause of their destruction.”— (Psalms 105:35) The like will happen to you by your conversation with worldlings; you will soon speak their language, and adopt their fashions and manners. You are already taken with their idols, which are vanity and self-love; you are already filled with yourself, and seek your own glory and satisfaction; and are not these sufficient marks that you are already replenished with the spirit of the world?

St. Basil adds still another reason, why we ought to avoid all commerce with our relations, which is, lest the natural tenderness of affection we have for them, render us too sensible to what happens them, and make too lively an impression upon ourselves. Because it is impossible to visit them frequently without naturally rejoicing at their prosperity, or repining at their adversity; disquieting ourselves with their interests, and embroiling ourselves with a thousand cares. We are continually thinking, if they stand not in need of something; what is it they want; whether such an employment will turn to their profit; whether such a design will succeed; and whether they will acquit themselves with honour in such an affair. All these thoughts and disquiets, so weaken the spiritual man within us, that the least temptation is able to cast us

_down. “We are in this state,” says.St. Basil, “only like religious

statues, that bear the habit of religious, but neither have the life nor virtue of them;” and whilst our body is shut up in our cell, our mind is elsewhere, and our imagination rambles amongst our relations in the world.

Cassian relates, that a hermit having retired to a place near his relations’ house, whence he was helped with all things necessary, lived for some time after this manner. Finding this kind of life, wherein he had nothing else to do but to attend to prayer or spiritual reading, was very sweet and holy, he one day went to visit St. Anthony. The saint asked him where he lived; he answered, near his relations, who having the charity to take care of him, he had the advantage to give his whole time to God. But the saint asking him, whether when any ill accident befell his relations, he was not afflicted thereat, or pleased whem any subject of joy happened to them? The hermit could not but confess, that he was not able to hinder himself from bearing part in what happened to them. Alas! child, replied the saint, know you not, that you shall bear those company in the next world, with whom you have been afflicted and rejoiced in this? He who interests himself in worldly things in this life, will have no place in the next, but such as worldlings have.

It imports us therefore very much to avoid commerce with our relations; for what we see not, makes little or no impression upon us; and as nothing more disengages us from the world, than to abandon it in effect, and solemnly to have renounced it for ever; so nothing can more disengage us from the affection of flesh and blood, we have for our relations, than to see them no more; and to break off all communication with them. We must really separate ourselves from them in effect; if we would wean ourselves from them in affection: the one cannot be done without the other. It often happens, that absence does not wean our affections from them, how great then would they be, if we daily saw them and conversed with them.

It is, to prevent such inconveniences as may happen, that our constitutions forbid us to go home to visit our relations; but that so holy and profitable a prohibition may have its effect, we must on our side contribute all we can thereunto. We must, when our relations ask leave for us, be the first to oppose it; we must, by such good reasons, as, if well disposed, we will always have ready, endeavour to put these thoughts out of their heads, and so prudently manage the matter, that they may have reason to be content, and think that you are so too. It is this your superior requires of you, and moreover you do him great pleasure, when you tell him from yourself, that you will endeavour to free him from your relations’ importunity. For it often happens, that if you assist him not, he will not be able to resist the earnest solicitations they will make or cause to be made; and therefore will be obliged to condescend, and to grant what is demanded, being forced to it against his will; but he would be very glad, were it in his power, to be

freed from the necessity of granting such a permission. What we here say upon this subject, may serve for an advertisement upon other occasions. Your parents or friends, for example, desire something of you contrary to your profession; send them not to your superior, this would put him to the necessity, of either incurring their displeasure, or of granting them what they ask. You must not let things go so far; but must endeavour to dissuade them from asking what they designed, making them listen to reason; and you must not imitate those who rather than give pain to a person, care not how much they perplex their superiors. St. Jerom, upon these words of Jesus Christ, ‘‘ Be you prudent as serpents,” takes notice, that one reason why the example of a serpent is proposed to us is, “because to defend his head, in which his life is contained, he hides it under the many wreaths of his body.”—(Hier. in Mat. x. 16.) We ought to do the same in regard of our superior, who is our head; and not expose him, as we often do, to the complaints and murmurings of seculars, to excuse ourselves, and to be freed from trouble. We must take great care of this upon all occasions; for generally speaking, in those things’ that depend wholly upon us, if we have but a good intention, we shall be able to do whatever we have a mind to. Wherefore the counsel I would give, in regard of visits to our parents, is, first of all, to do what we can, both with them and our superiors, to exempt us from them, and never to make them but by pure obedience, and after having represented the inconveniences to our superior; yet after all this, we are not to be without fear, but must believe that we have great reason to stand upon our guard.

Sirius relates in the life of Theodore the abbot, that alittle after he took the habit of religion, his mother, carrying a great many bishops’ letters with her, went to see him, and by their recommendation obtained leave from St. Pacomius, who lived in the same monastery, to do so. The young religious having understood this, went to the saint, and said to him; dear father, if you will have me see my mother, give me your warrant beforehand, that I shall not be accountable for this visit at the day of judgment. The holy abbot was unwilling to give him this assurance, but told him, that he himself was to be judge, whether it would be a prejudice to him or not, and if he judged it would be so, he would not oblige him to it. Whereupon Theodore refused to see his mother, and this refusal turned to her great advantage. For she, whohad a great desire to see him, retired soon after into a monastery of religious women hard by, hoping that this monastery, having her son for their director, she might sometimes see him there. Thus God blessed her son’s refusal, and made it the occasion of his mother’s vocation. Yet notwithstanding it showed a very holy disposition in him, that he would not see his mother, but through pure obedience, and with a great precaution, as to charge his superior’s conscience with it. A good religious ought not to see his parents but after this manner; and if we knew how dangerous for our salvation such visits as these are, we should be more afraid of them than we are, and take greater care to be dispensed with them, than we do. History is full of examples of religious that have been hereby lost. Let us become wise at others’ expense, that we may not fall into the like inconvenience.

“Tf you be dead with Jesus Christ, and to your relations according to the flesh, why do you,” says St. Basil, “seek again after them, and desire to have commerce with them? But if you desire it for love of them, and to re-establish that in yourself, which you have destroyed for the love of Jesus Christ, do you not deceive and betray yourself? Wherefore, let not their consideration make you leave the place wherein God has put you; for the farther you go from it, the farther you withdraw from the spirit of your vocation.”—(Epist. ad Chilon.) ‘The blessed Virgin and St. Joseph found not Jesus Christ amongst their relations and acquaintance. O most amiable Jesus!” cries St. Bernard, “how can I hope to find you amongst wy relations, since you were not to be found amongst your own?” It is in the church, it is in retirement, and in prayer, we must seek him, and it is there we shall find him.

We read in the life of St. Francis Xaverius, that returning from Rome to Portugal, to go from thence to the Indies, and passing within eight miles of his parent’s house, he could not be persuaded to go out of his way, to see his mother and relations, notwithstanding all their entreaties; and though he knew if he lost this opportunity of seeing them, he should never meet the like again. Father Le Fevre did the same, passing within ten miles of his father’s house. And when St. Ignatius, by an indispensable necessity, was obliged to go to Loyola, he retired into the hospital, and would by no means lodge in his brother’s house.

About ReligiousBookshelf.com · A Supernerd Media project