Volume I, Treatise IV, Chapter XIII

How We Ought to Behave Ourselves Towards Our Brethren, When There Has Happened Any Dispute in Which We Have Given Them Any Cause _ of Uneasiness

Bur because we are all of us men, and even the greatest part of us stand not always so much on our guard, but that we occasionally drop a harsh word, which gives pain to our brethren; itis good that I explain here, how we are to behave towards them on such occasions.

First, when it happens that any one has spoken to us after a rude manner, we must not answer him in the same tone or language, but must have so much moderation and humility, as to suffer it with patience, and overlook it with humility. The fire of our charity must not be so weakly lighted, as to be extinguished by a few drops of water; and the apostle St. Paul, speaking of charity, gives it, says St. Basil, for no other reason, the epithet of fraternal, but to signify that it ought not to leave so weak an impression on our hearts, as may be easily effaced; but that it ought to be solid, fervent, and strong. (Hebrews 13:1), and (Romans 12:10)) It is without doubt very much to be wished, that, neither by word nor action, any one should give the least discontent to his brother; and it is also equally to be desired, that we should not easily take fire, or be incensed; nor be so alive as to raise our voice, be disquieted in mind, and lose the peace of our soul for nothing. I know very well that it would be much better that none should take upon them to reprehend another, nor interfere in what belongs to another’s office; yet if it happens that any one should take this liberty, we must not upon this account presently reproach him to his face; ask him who gave him this auth@rity. and tell him that our rule forbids us to intrude ourselves into another’s office. All this serves only to create disturbance, about that which would not have been worth taking notice of, if, in the beginning, we could have overlooked and not minded it at all, but held our peace. When two hard bodies hit one against the other, they make a great noise; but if a hard body strikes against a soft one, it makes none at all. A cannon ball beats down a tower with a terrible crash; but if it be shot against a wool sack, its force is deadened and quickly spent. “A civil and meek answer appeases wrath,” says Solomon, “but a rude word provokes one to fury.” (Proverbs 15:1)

The Holy Ghost also counsels us “not to contend with a man of haughty words, this being to lay wood upon the fire.” (Ecclesiastes 8:4) Take heed, therefore, of disputing with him or of incensing him by your replies: but, on the contrary, endeavour to have so much sweetness and moderation, that whatsoever he says, though ever so rude and provoking, may not, on touching you, make noise, or leave impression, but may be hushed and effaced by your meekness.

St. Dorotheus teaches us a mode of answering very humbly; which we may make use of on such occasions. He says, that when any one speaks very sharply to us, or reprehends us for any fault, or reproaches us for what we have not been guilty of; we must always receive the correction with equal humility, and say, whether we have wrong done us, or not:—“Dear brother, pardon me, and pray for me.” (Dorot. Doct. xv.) He learned this doctrine from an ancient father, who was wont to practise it himself, and to recommend it to others. And without doubt, if we practise this with the like spirit of humility, and if, on the one hand, we endeavour with all possible care to beware of giving our brother any discontent, and on the other, if we are disposed to receive all things in good part, we shall live in a strict union, and in an admirable peace and concord.

But nevertheless, if perhaps you chance to fail in this—for example: if you happen to have had any difference or dispute with your brother, because he took the liberty to say something that displeased you, and you had not sufficient discretion and humility to overlook it and bear with it—if there has happened any dissension or dispute between you, and you resented it alternately; you because he first attacked you; he because you answered him very sharply; you ought, says St. Bonaventure, to reconcile yourselves one with another, by a speedy and mutual satisfaction; in order that “the sun set not upon your anger” (Ephesians 4:26); and the means to reconcile yourselves is mutually to beg pardon one of another. St. Ignatius prescribes the same thing in his Constitutions:—We ought not to permit, says he, that any difference or animosity ariseé amongst us; but if it happens, either by our own weakness, or by the instigation of the devil, who is never wanting to blow the coal, and kindle ‘the fire of discord between brethren, we must presently endeavour to reconcile those that are at variance, and oblige them to make each other suitable satisfaction. But this satisfaction, as he has defined, in some other spiritual instructions he left written, must be to ask pardon of each other. So that there is nothing but humility, says St. Bernard, that can truly repair a breach of charity; and therefore we must always have a great facility in demanding and granting pardon; ‘“Bearing with one another,” as St. Paul says, “mutually forgiving all the occasions or subjects of complaints, that may have happened.” (Colossians 3:13) Nay we must do still more—we must endeavour to prevent our neighbour; ‘ Lest he take our crown from us” (Apocalypse 3:11); for he who first humbles himself, and asks pardon, infallibly gains it. Wherefore the more ancient, and ht who either is, or ought to be, the more perfect in the practice of virtue and self-mortitication, ought not to take notice whether he be the person offended, or be less to blame than his brother; but without dwelling upon any human consideration, he must think of nothing else, but to advance in humility, by making the first step to charity. When the shepherds of Abraham and Lot quarrelled about the pastures of their flocks, Abraham spoke first to Lot, and by giving him his choice of the lands before him, he yielded up to him that right he might justly have taken to himself:—“I pray,” says he, ‘let there be no difference between you and me, nor between your shepherds and mine, for we are brothers; behold the whole land is before you, I beseech you separate from me. If you take the left hand, I will take the right, if you choose the right, I will retire to the left.” (Genesis 13:8)

We read in the Chronicles of the Cistercian order, of one of these religious who received this grace and favour from God, that every time he communicated, he felt a sweetness, as it were of an honeycomb, which frequently remained in his mouth for three days together. It happened that having one day reprehended one of his brethren somewhat sharply, he hereupon went to communicate, without being first reconciled to him, and that day he had his mouth filled with a greater bitterness than that of gall or wormwood; and this, because he had not complied with that precept of the gospel: “If you present your offering before the altar, and there remember that your brother has anything against you, leave your gift before the altar, and go first and be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23) Hence we see how pleasing a speedy reconciliation with our brethren is to God; because when we are even at the foot of the altar, and ready to make our oblation to him, we must quit all, to go and be reconciled to our brother.

About ReligiousBookshelf.com · A Supernerd Media project