Part III, Chapter IX

Of Meekness towards Ourselves

One of the best exercises of meekness we can perform is that of which the subject is within ourselves, in never fretting at our own imperfections, for though reason requires that we should be sorry when we commit any fault, yet we must refrain from that bitter, gloomy, spiteful, and passionate displeasure, for which many are greatly to blame, who, being overcome by anger, are angry for having been angry, and vexed to see themselves vexed; for by this means they keep their heart perpetually steeped in passion; and, though it seems as if the second anger destroyed the first, it serves, nevertheless, to open a passage for fresh anger on the first occasion that shall present itself. Besides, this anger and vexation against ourselves tend to pride, and flow from no other source than self-love, which is troubled and disquieted to see itself imperfect. We must be displeased at our faults, but in a peaceable, settled, and firm manner; for, as a judge punishes malefactors much more justly when he is guided in his decisions by reason, and proceeds with the spirit of tranquillity, than when he acts with violence and passion (because, judging in passion, he does not punish the faults according to their enormity, but according to his passion), so we correct ourselves much better by a calm and steady repentance, than by that which is harsh, turbulent, and passionate; for repentance exercised with violence proceeds not according to the quality of our faults, but according to our inclinations. For example, he that affects chastity will vex himself beyond all bounds at the least fault he commits against that virtue, and will but laugh at a gross detraction he shall have been guilty of; on the other hand, he that hates detraction torments himself for a slight murmur, and makes no account of a gross fault committed against chastity; and so of others. Now, all this springs from this source, that these men, in the judgment of their conscience, are not guided by reason, but by passion.

Believe me, Philothea, as the mild and affectionate reproofs of a father have far greater power to reclaim his child than rage and passion; so when we have committed any fault, if we reprehend our heart with mild and calm remonstrances, having more compassion for it than passion against it, sweetly encouraging it to amendment, the repentance it shall conceive by this means will sink much deeper, and penetrate it more effectually, than a fretful, injurious, and stormy repentance.

If, for example, I had formed a strong resolution not to yield to the sin of vanity, and yet had fallen into it, I would not reprove my heart after this manner; “Art thou not wretched and abominable, that, after so many resolutions, hast suffered thyself to be thus carried away by vanity? Die with shame; lift up no more thy eyes to heaven, blind, impudent traitor as thou art, a rebel to thy God;” but I would correct it thus, rationally saying, by way of compassion: “Alas, my poor heart, behold we are fallen into the pit we had so firmly resolved to avoid! Well, let us rise again, and quit it forever; let us call upon the mercy of God, and hope that it will assist us to be more constant for the time to come, and let us enter again the path of humility. Let us be encouraged; let us from this day be more upon our guard; God will help us; we shall do better;” and on this reprehension I would build a firm and constant resolution never more to relapse into that fault, using the proper means to avoid it by the advice of my director.

However, if any one should find his heart not sufficiently moved with this mild manner of reprehension, he may use one more sharp and severe, to excite it to deeper confusion, provided that he afterwards closes up all his grief and anger with a sweet and consoling confidence in God, in imitation of that illustrious penitent, who, seeing his soul afflicted, raised it up in this manner (Psalms 42:5): “Why art thou sad, O my soul, and why dost thou disquiet me? Hope in God, for I will still give praise to him, who is the salvation of my countenance, and my God.”

Raise up your heart, then, again whenever it falls, but fairly and softly; humbling yourself before God, through the knowledge of your own misery, but without being surprised at your fall, for it is no wonder that weakness should be weak, or misery wretched: detest, nevertheless, with all your power, the offence God has received from you, and return to your way of virtue, which you had forsaken, with great courage and confidence in his mercy.

About ReligiousBookshelf.com · A Supernerd Media project